The Secret to Enduring Hardship
When I was in my first year of graduate school, I was going through a particularly challenging phase of life and I jokingly asked a classmate 10 years my senior if he had any advice for surviving my 20’s. I described to him a pattern of feeling like I had things figured out, only to feel the rug pulled out from under me. Again and again. As I recounted this, he followed with a statement that has stayed with me ever since:
He said, “life may seem like hills and valleys, but it’s really two parallel tracks where there is always good and bad simultaneously. It’s a matter of perspective.” This idea is something I regularly share with my clients and reflect on myself and it tells us something about the secret to enduring hardship.
So, what is the secret to enduring hardship?
First, let me say, there isn’t ONE thing you can do. From anything to enduring your 20’s, a marathon, a global pandemic, divorce or a panic attack… it’s not a formula to follow or a list you complete.
Instead, it’s more of a creative cocktail made up of joy, gratitude, hope, faith, love, connection and creativity. It is like a muscle you strengthen through practice, and in doing so, you gain perspective and create meaning in the pain. Don’t get me wrong, in this process we don’t dismiss, avoid or numb the pain, grief and sadness. It’s just as my friend said, they exist simultaneously, so we hold such feelings tenderly while believing they won’t last forever and remembering the pain is not the entire picture—even if it feels all-consuming.
The concept of enduring through hardship has emerged as a pattern in books and podcasts I’ve come across recently and they seem to work together to support the head, heart and spirit through enduring hardship. It is certainly timely, so I will summarize my takeaways on a few things that give us perspective and help us endure.
The Joy of Movement by Kelly McGonigal, PhD
The book, which is an in depth of study of the benefits and joy we experience through physical movement, includes a chapter titled “How We Endure.” From my reading, I gathered six elements that mirror the above patterns which endurance athletes draw upon in order to press on when physical and mental challenges arise:
Focus on the present moment. Being present can aid in the process of seeing the joys in the midst of difficulty.
Pray, ask for support, seek connection and lean on the strength of others and their reminders of your strength. There is a lot packed into this one and it included seeking strength outside of ourselves (faith and otherwise), thinking about and wishing well upon our loved ones, as well as directly asking for their support and receiving their encouragement.
Express gratitude: acknowledge what we are grateful for and attend to things that bring us joy.
Remember impermanence— that nothing lasts forever and relief is coming.
Hope— the positive anticipation of what is to come helps us press on in difficulty. Additionally, the author shares a scientific finding where the human body responds to endurance activities by releasing a hormone that impacts the reward system of the brain and promotes resilience.
Creativity and imagination— we have the capacity to use our imagination to visualize a positive outcome.
On Being Podcast: Tending Joy and Practicing Delight
The podcast starts out: “There’s a question floating around the world right now — how can we be joyful in a moment like this? To which Ross Gay responds in word and deed, how can we not be joyful, especially in a moment like this?”
Ross Gay takes the idea of joy in hardship from a lofty idealistic pursuit and puts some legs to it, grounding it in reality. He notes joy is possible in the midst of pain and suffering because joy and death go hand in hand: “part of it is just the simple fact of the ephemerality of — and maybe this is a little veering off, but there is this thing of, if you and I know we’re each in the process [of dying], there is something that will happen between us. There’s some kind of tenderness that might be possible…” then he adds “among the things … connecting us is that we have this common experience — many common experiences, but a really foundational one is that we are not here forever."
He’s acknowledging that there’s something about the juxtaposition of pain, of the process of dying, of our own impermanence that brings about a tenderness and shines a light on the small joys. In this, he brings together the concepts listed above: joy, pain, impermanence, and connection. As the conversation continues in the podcast, themes of hope and gratitude are also present. Give it a listen!
The Bible
Romans 5:3-5 reads: "but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (ESV)
Faith is often a significant help to many in times of hardship. You may note the connection between suffering, joy, endurance and hope in this passage. There is more packed into this than I will go into here, but our faith allows for perspective because it focuses on the longview. Peace and joy become possible because faith allows us to see the big picture, enabling us to struggle well. It is a process that happens within us and around us and, as it does, it strengthens our character, which results in endurance.
Hardship is inevitable. We have choice in our responses, and if characterized by a mix of faith, hope, love, connection, creativity, joy, and gratitude, it produces endurance. The good news is if you’re not feeling particularly joyful, grateful or full of love or hope, it is something you can cultivate. As I close, my objective has not been to give you a to-do list, but to give you some things to think about, something that helps you develop your own response to effectively endure the present hardship and future hardships. I hope it contains truth for you to hold and let shape your response in these uncertain times of 2020.