Coping with Challenging Circumstances: 7 Skills
As I write this, daily life for people around the globe has been interrupted by COVID-19 (coronavirus) and it is seemingly impossible to avoid the topic. While there is already a lot of commentary out there, it seems ignorant for me to not acknowledge it.
These times are difficult and painful for anyone, let alone one who is working hard to maintain recovery from an eating disorder, sobriety, or cope with depression and anxiety. A dialectical response would be to acknowledge the present reality without over-emphasizing it, so I want to zoom out a bit and highlight some helpful options we can all consider for coping no matter what uncertainty and distress we may face.
As you read this, I want to start with a few reminders:
Take care of and be kind to yourself. Be kind to others and care for them.
A change in our routine, and even boredom, can lead to positive change and creativity.
The goal is to struggle well, not to avoid struggles.
Breathe.
So, lean into the change while practicing the below skills and see what comes of it. Note: most of the skills listed below come from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
1. Radical Acceptance: In DBT, radical acceptance is the practice of accepting reality for what it is instead of trying to resist or change it. This is an incredibly important skill for coping with things outside of our control (which is most of the time!). What makes it radical is that we practice acceptance with our whole being, including our thoughts, words, heart, facial expression and body posture. By accepting our reality, we are better able to cope and problem solve, whereas resisting our reality leads to increased distress and decreased effectiveness. *Note: acceptance is not giving up, giving in, or approval. It also takes a great deal of practice!
2. Distraction (Wise Mind ACCEPTS): Participate in activities that you enjoy or are new to you, whether it be spending time outdoors, watching a movie (especially if it makes you laugh!), listening to music, taking your dog for a walk, playing games, taking a bath, making crafts, reading a book, writing a letter to a friend, calling your family, thanking someone, organizing, or memorizing poetry or Bible verses. Not only will it help get your mind off things, it will also boost positive emotions which help you cope.
3. IMPROVE the Moment: I won’t go into every aspect of this acronym, but the general idea is that when we can’t escape or change our present circumstances, consider what we can add to it that might help improve the present moment to help us get through it. Some common things include: prayer, looking for meaning and relaxation. Remind yourself that this will pass.
4. Build Mastery: Learn a new skill, like drawing, playing an instrument or learning a language. The challenge is good for your brain and builds confidence and positive emotions.
5. Work Toward a Goal: Have something you’ve always wanted to do or try? Start looking into the steps it takes and put together a plan. If you’ve already done that, maybe take the next step.
6. Problem Solving: Finally, for anyone struggling with depression, anxiety and/or recovery from an eating disorder or addiction, a change in routine or increase in stress can lead to vulnerability. Try to stick to a routine while practicing flexibility, pull out your recovery plan and review and implement it, ask for accountability or help, as Mr. Rogers said: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” It’s true… people want to help!
7. Connection: Positive relationships give us strength to press on during difficult times. Find ways to connect with others, whether it be a phone or video call, writing a letter, sending a care package, or playing games or other outlet. There are free online support groups available and I’d be glad to connect you with one.
Finally, dialectics teaches us that two opposites can be present and true at the same time. In the midst of hardship, pain and grief, there is also joy, beauty and life. Train your eye, your heart and your mind to see and validate both.